Kryptonite Lock

12/2/92
Kryptonite Corporation
Boston, Ma 02122

Dear Krypto Knights,

Twelve years ago, I bought the enclosed Kryptonite-4 in an effort to prevent Manhattan’s extensive and well-established underworld from relieving me of the ten-speed bicycle I’d gotten as a boy in Florida. I’m pleased to announce that for these many years your fine product accomplished it’s mission with flying colors, apparently thwarting efforts of even the most clever and devious of New York’s aforementioned sinister element. You’ll no doubt be gratified to learn that my stubborn wife has never enjoyed the protection of Kryptonite security, employing instead rival -- and often significantly more expensive -- locks and chains, only to have three bicycles stolen in as many years.

Therefore, I’m sure you can understand how crestfallen I became last week when my trusty Kryptonite-4 jammed after opening and -- despite a vigorous and enthusiastic lubrication from me -- seems unwilling or unable to ever lock again. It wasn’t forced, hammered or cut and yet it remains as you now find it. Perhaps -- like Superman himself -- even Kryptonite must ultimately succumb to the relentless and heavy hand of Father Time. I don’t recall the specifics of your warranty and feel pangs of guilt broaching the subject at all, but I believe this would come under the category of “normal wear and tear,” granting -- of course – well-deserved accolades for heroic staying power in this age of shoddy workmanship and planned obsolescence. All this is my way of saying that I’m placing myself and, more pertinently, my K-4 bike lock, in your just and able hands.

Should this letter find you in a beneficent or industrious humor, please feel free to replace or repair the lock. If not, then may I suggest using it as a paperweight or perhaps sending it along to your factory for recycling. Either way, be sure not to let the decision or its execution -- in any way -- interfere with your holiday plans! Thanks for your consideration and for the peace of mind your longstanding commitment to quality has given me.

Sincerely,

Jake Daehler

WGA Registered 2010