Ben & Jerry's

7/18/94
Ben & Jerry’s
Waterbury, V.T. 05676

“Yo! I’m your C.E.O.”

Dear Guys,

I’m a 35 year-old analyzed, married vegetarian who could devote full attention to ice cream without getting distracted by teenage girls, video games, or meat. My wife wants kids, so executive income is a must. I like companies that don’t exploit workers or spew toxic gunk into the world. I’d split the pay with a co-C.E.O. who’d administrate while I become the corporate conscience and front man. Since I also act and write, I could do the commercials myself! It would be a fine way to shut my in-laws up about when I’ll "amount to something." Plus, I’ve heard Vermont is nice.

Sincerely,

Jake Daehler


WGA registered 2010