AMEX Delta Sky Miles Program

5/4/98
Mr./Ms. M. Kemp
Customer Support
American Express Delta Sky Miles Program

Dear M. Kemp,

It feels odd writing to a stamped signature ... especially one of fiercely indeterminate gender. I don’t think calling would seem as weird; but, alas, that’s not possible since a contact number, actual signature or any clues regarding your relative status as either man or woman were conspicuously omitted from your missive. With my Visa™ card, even the stamped names in customer service have sexes and access numbers. If you’re ever going to stay competitive, keep up with the Jones's and, once and for all, put a stop to those irritating television commercials about moped rental places in Chad not taking American Express™ because you’re not “everywhere we want to be.” It’s time to crack the whip and make some changes, tout suite! How’s that for laying down the gauntlet?
The Amex rep. who assigned case number xxxx, assured me you couldn’t take incoming calls. But I’ll bet if Dominos™ needs to confirm your large pie with anchovies order before making the -- less than thirty minute -- drive to your office, that call would get through. Anyway, sorry it’s taken so long for me to respond for the second time to your reply, but my laptop was on the fritz. Enclosed, please find the sum total of our correspondence to date. I feel it speaks for itself. What I propose as a compromise -- in lieu of the promised round trip companion ticket to Florida -- is 15,000 miles credited to my Sky Miles™ account. Could that happen?

Sincerely,

Jake Daehler

P.S. I have algae-eating snails in both my fish tanks. It’s nearly impossible to figure out whether they’re male or female. Consequently, I’ve named then all M. Kemp in your honor!

WGA registered 2010